


Breakup Season

by cherryboris



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bands, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst kinda?, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Trans Boris Pavlikovsky, also her name is kaylee because she deserves a real name, boris is a bass player in a band, he's a mess honestly, kotku is a lead singer and she has so many rights, repressed gay theo, theo is a lil drunk and boris' music speaks to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22783612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryboris/pseuds/cherryboris
Summary: backseat headache booked a gig in new york city.theo finds the words to express how he feels with kitsey, and he cries to music in a bar.band au; boris plays bass in a bummer pop band.
Relationships: Kitsey Barbour/Theodore Decker, Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	Breakup Season

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hadererer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hadererer/gifts).



> this is dedicated to audrey for her love of boreo and also for listening to my bad playlists of future teens! you inspire me to write so much!  
> follow me on tumblr @cherryboris

Boris plucked on the strings of his bass, it was dark blue ( almost black ) but in the light it sparkled and there were small stickers stuck to the body. He was trying to warm up for their small tour, just a few shows around the north east coast. It was the first show of six and although the three in the band had spent the entire last week having band practice he still felt like he was going to mess up. 

He had connections just about everywhere they went, so for being a rather small band they had found themselves in several different countries, even though they had only played small bars. They were first on the lineup and people rarely cared to see them. They were lucky to have more than twenty people in the room

The music came across softer than what he had grown up playing, metal had been what he played through most of his teenage years, so slowing it down to play bummer pop, a label he didn’t know even existed, had been  _ different. _

The show that night was supposed to be good, they had several people on their Instagram page telling them how excited they were to see them play. Even though they had a small following, fans rarely came to see them; it was exciting to have people singing their lyrics back to them. 

Boris watched as Kaylee moved around their equipment, setting her microphone, guitar, and pedal board out. Behind her was a small banner they were able to string up behind the drum kit, barely readable words, something Kaylee had stitched together in her free time to decorate their set a little more -  **Backseat Headache.**

The lanyard swung from his neck as he walked to peak out to the bar. The room was stiff, there were a few people standing near the front of the stage, excited to see the headliner, maybe one or two people there to actually see them. Nonetheless, there was an audience. There were plenty of times they had played to the town drunk and the bartender.

In other countries, when they had played shows across Europe, they were all quick to learn that most people did not come until the headliners would play, no one seemed eager to see the openers. Their merch sales took a big hit on that tour, and they had even worried they wouldn’t have enough money to make ends meet. They relied a lot on merch sales for food and gas during the tour, anything people tipped went to paying for groceries for the van; they rarely took money home at the end of tour. Worse case scenarios, they would look money on tour and have to pick up more shifts at their day jobs.

Boris majorly floated their band, drug dealing on the side was a bit of a chore, but it helped them be able to make ends meet. A good night used to be a single t-shirt sale, they would actually get to eat and when he couldn’t bare to see his friends starving for work, he knew what he had to do. He had experience from his teenage years, used to be the dealer for many kids in school, but he tried to not make a habit of it. Every time he was selling, he was close to slipping back into the spiraling habit that he had tried to shake. Recreationally was fine, but he had become so dependent it was bad for him. 

Kaylee came up behind him, setting her hand on his shoulder to not scare him. “Boris, there’s a crowd!” She took his hand, “this is amazing! look I told you people would come, it’s new york city and a saturday night, of course people would come!”

Boris shook his head, a half smile poking through, “yeah yeah, you’re right.” He held out his bass, pulling it over his head. “I should go set it out there, sound check is soon.”

“Grab me a beer won’t you?” She took his free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “my nerves are through the ceiling.”

He gave her a quick smile, pulling from her, and walking out to set his bass up against his amp. his case set next to the stage, covered in several stickers from bands they had toured or played shows with. He grabbed out his petal board and set it down beside the microphone for backup vocals, of which he did only on two songs.

The bar was a little crowded, filling up with people who were there to see them or just getting off work. It was hard to tell. He squeezed through a couple, asking for two beers. He reached his arm to the counter, his orange wristband enough confirmation that he was over twenty-one.

When they had started the band he had kept nearly every wristband. It had been his dream to play shows since he was a kid, learning English through music. He had played guitar with the lady who worked at the bar his dad was  _ always  _ at. She had taught him how to play and when they were moving she gave him her guitar as a parting gift. Of course, it had not lasted the seven following moves, eventually he sold it for a small price, and bought himself a better guitar.

He took the two beers back to the green room, handing it to Kaylee. “where’s MJ? Does she know we need to be out there in twenty minutes?”

“She’s just in the bathroom, calm down. you’re never the nervous one.” Kaylee shook her head, grabbing her bottle from him, and tapping his, “drink up.” 

Boris tipped the bottle back, “okay yeah, we’ve got this, it’s just crowded out there.”

Kaylee sat down on the large couch, the green room in the bar was much cozier than most they had hung out with. They were often shoved in random rooms in the basement, a small fridge, a single desk, a couch, but this one was larger, bright colors on the wall and sharpie band names scribbled on the wall. It was homey in a  _ we barely belong here _ way. 

Boris looked at the wall by the chair, touching his fingertips to a few of the names: “It’s crazy, some of legends that played here. do you think we’re good enough?”

“Borya-” She leaned closer, “we’re amazing.”

He nodded, taking another swig of his bottle. “I should get changed, not wearing hoodie on stage.”

She shooed him off, watching as he grabbed his bookbag and slung it over his shoulder, walking into the bathroom. He leaned into the mirror after changing, packing a small amount of glitter eyeshadow to his eyelids. When they had started the project, he had been too nervous to wear makeup on stage, a part of him still trying to break from being viewed as a woman. 

“How do i look?” He asked, flopping back onto the couch beside Kaylee, “hot as always, Kotku?”

She rolled her eyes, pushing his hair behind his ear. “Is that my shirt?” She asked, looking to the striped button up that was only buttoned half way, the top of his binder poking out. “I hate you for looking good in it.”

He laughed, “you always say that, but it’s not my fault you wear dresses on stage and I always underpack. I think you should just give shirt to me, I look better in it.”

“Don’t get cocky- I said you look good, not better.” She teased. 

The two had dated on and off throughout high school, but they found they always worked better as best friends and with their band they didn’t want to make anything complicated. however, he was still Boris. Boris who taught her how loveable she truly was, a bond that would never be broken between them. She traced her hand along Boris’ and remembered why she loved him so deeply for so long. 

MJ walked back into the room, holding a sprite tight in her hand: “God there’s a lot of people here, guys.” She sat down on the couch beside Boris, taking his hand in her free one. “You guys ready?”

They both nodded, setting their drinks down on the stained coffee table. They had started their pre show ritual back in australia a year prior, the crowd was the biggest they had played to and all of their nerves had been overwhelming. They all held hands, and Boris looked between the two girls. "Let's go out there and make people cry."

Boris took the stage with the two girls, focusing not on everyone in front of him but on the girl working the soundboard across the room. He thumbed his strings with one hand, the other raised for the speakers to be louder. 

By the time they had finished sound checking, the room had become more tense. The small amounts of chatter had subsided and they were now all attention directed towards the stage.

“HeyNew York City, how are we feeling tonight?” Kaylee’s energy was unmatched, the crowd only giving quiet clapping and a few cheers in response. 

Boris leaned into his mic, “I think you guys can do better than that- how are you feeling tonight?” he asked, earning a much larger response from the room. his stomach twisted in excitement. 

“We’re backseat headache, we’re a bummer pop band from Las Vegas and we’re here to make you cry!” 

The brand had come after their last tour, several people coming up to their merch table after the show to tell them how much their music meant to them, teary-eyed. They became known on the tour as  _ the band that makes the audience sob _ . It wasn’t too far off, Boris had always aimed for emotional vulnerability when he wrote the lyrics with Kaylee. 

The two worked together hand in hand to make the songs, he poured out most of his heart and breakups and it actually stuck when they found a sound that really worked for them. 

Theo rocked on his heels, he couldn’t remember the last time he went to a concert. He couldn’t remember the last time he did anything  _ truly  _ by himself. Kitsey and him felt inseparable for months and then she started going out more and more by herself. His suspicions were correct when he had caught her with another guy, but decided to not mention it. He couldn’t have  _ another _ failed relationship, it was so shameful, already twenty four and two failed engagements. 

His friends told him that he moved too fast in relationships, he just wanted to get through them, love had never felt like a big factor in marriage. He just needed to find someone he could spend the rest of his life with; a friend who would stay with him. love wasn’t in it, but love was still a part of it, in the aspect that every last conversation came with  _ i just don’t think i love you anymore, Theo.  _

Treating himself out to a night out seemed like a good way to go, he had already downed three shots at the bar. It was their limit on hard liquor, pushing him towards a bottle of beer in his hand, swaying slightly to the music. He hadn’t heard of their band before and they certainly weren’t anything he was used to listening to, but they were good. It was relaxing to listen to, and just sink into the silence of the crowd, looking up at the band. 

The lead singer grabbed her guitar, pulling it over as the last song ended, setting the microphone back up on the stand. They were incredibly energetic and he liked to watch her dance around the stage. 

Kaylee strummed her guitar slowly trying to tune for the next song quickly, looking to Boris with a large smile. “This next song is off of our new album breakup season. we spent a lot of time writing it, the three of us realized how similar we were all feeling about our breakups. It was really therapeutic, I hope it can help you guys too.” She rambled on, trying to give Boris time to retune as well. He gave her a quick nod, “this next one is called So What.”

_ Live in a house full of all my stuff _

_ I’m grown up, grown up, grown up _

_ But I can’t be sure of _

_ When the last time was I loved someone _

_ So what, so what, so what _

_ It feels hard enough to come home and make myself sleep _

_ Eat three square meals, wash my face, brush my teeth _

_ And find a soulmate in which I don’t believe _

_ If that means a lot well I don’t think it means it to me _

_ Have no time to let in someone new _

_ That’s not true, not true, not true _

_ Should find a better excuse _

_ For why I’m scared of what I can’t un-lose _

_ I’ll make room, make room, make room _

_ So I can tell you the thoughts that I’ve been holding in _

_ We’ll both pretend you’re not sleeping with him _

_ I understand now that the means always end _

_ So let’s find out if we’re mutually friends _

_ I’m sorry _

_ If you’re sorry  _

_ I'm sorry  _

_ If you’re sorry _

Kaylee leaned into the mic, blushing a bit under the lights, the applause dying down a bit. “Thank you. If you like what you’ve heard you can check us out on spotify, we have tshirts, hoodies, cds, vinyls, and cassettes for sale and stickers for tips. This is going to be our last song for the night, it’s called Heavy Petting.” 

boris looked up for the first time, theo able to see his face, hair no longer hanging in front of his eyes. he had his eyes closed for almost the entire set, it was easy to tell he knew the music by heart, that the project was really something he believed in. 

_ I keep wondering how you spend your days  _

_ Do you even notice that I’m away  _

_ I know I’m asking from a selfish place  _

_ You just seem distant, and that’s okay  _

_ We’ve been staying in separate rooms  _

_ But it still makes my day to come home to you  _

_ I wouldn’t ask for things you don’t want too  _

_ I know you’re waiting there for me  _

_ But I can’t get too comfy  _

_ When I met you I knew that I was  _

_ signing up to get hurt in the long run  _

_ My arm’s asleep, but I won’t move  _

_ Cause so are you  _

_ I could take back all my stuff  _

_ But you love that old shirt of mine so much  _

_ And I still find your hair on everything I touch  _

_ I hope you’re waiting there for me  _

_ but I can’t get too comfy  _

_ When I met you I knew that I was  _

_ Signing up to get hurt in the long run  _

_ My arm’s asleep but I won’t move  _

_ You won’t be waiting there for me  _

_ And I got way too comfy  _

_ When I met you I knew that I was  _

_ Signing up to get hurt in the long run  _

_ My arm’s asleep, and I won’t move  _

_ Two beers deep wanna call you  _

_ I should just leave, I don’t want to  _

_ What else is new?  _

_ Getting used to my company  _

_ Was never gonna amount to loving me  _

_ Not even temporarily _

Boris thanked everyone for their time, “We will be at merch table at the end of the show tonight! Come say hello!” 

Theo rushed outside, his chest feeling tight, as tears formed in his eyes. The lack of love he felt was so shameful he had pushed it aside for so long. He waited and waited, knowing that he wouldn’t love them, but for years he told himself it was okay because he wasn’t worthy of love.

He leaned against the wall of the bar, catching his breath. He dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone and looking through for Kitsey a name in his contacts, his vision blurry from tears helping nothing. 

“Kits can we talk?” He asked, hearing her soft voice say hello.

“Of course, Theo, what’s wrong? Where are you?” She asked, the sound of a television on the background distracting him. 

“Uh- I- concert I told you, at the bar on 12th street. I uh-” He took a deep breath, his voice getting shakier as he spoke. “I think we need to call off the engagement, I think a band just told me that we need to.” 

_ Three failed engagements. _

“Woah woah woah- Hey what’re you doing?” Boris flocked his cigarette onto the ground, moving closer to theo. 

_ Sure they had people crying, but he had never broken up an engagement before as far as he was aware.  _

Theo looked to Boris, immediately placing his face, and shaking his head. He felt guilty and embarrassed all the same, using the back of his sweater sleeve to wipe his eyes, taking off his glasses. “I’m fine.”

Kitsey sounded detached, “Are you sure that’s what you want?” She spoke like she was dancing around the question  _ what happened.  _

“I think it’s what we both want. Backseat Headache, I think they'll help you too. Google them. I’ll have my stuff out tomorrow.” The guilt was sinking into his stomach, he couldn’t believe he was letting another chance at romance slip through his fingers. “Listen, I have to go, I’ll talk to you later if you’re not asleep.” 

Theo hung up the phone, dropping it back into the pocket of his jeans, laying his head back against the wall. 

“Listen- not to eavesdrop, but couldn’t help but hear you say band told you to break up?” Boris asked, having no shame of putting himself in other people’s conversations. 

Theo let out a small laugh, something that was more twisted into a sob. “I think I deserve better than a girl who cheats on me every day.” He sighed, shaking his head, “She’s used to me being around but it doesn’t mean she loves me- like you said- I deserve someone who loves me.”

***

Boris stood at the merch table, talking lowly to a few people as they bought things, while Theo stood to the side. He held the album against his chest, watching nervously. Everything had been moving so fast since his phone call to Kitsey. He felt like he was just waiting for something bad to happen.

“Bye! It was nice meeting you! thank you so much.” Boris said cheerfully, waving to the group as the bar started to clear out. He turned his attention to Theo. “Would you like to join me for a smoke?” 

He had completely taken Theo under his wing, feeling bad that he had indirectly been the cause of his break up. 

“Yeah that would be nice.” He sighed softly, letting the tension out of his shoulders as he followed Boris through the back door of the bar. He watched as he slid a rock so they wouldn’t get locked out. 

“Easier than walking around to the front,” Boris said with a chuckle when he noticed Theos stare. 

He stood back up, wiping his palms on his pants and then pulled the pack from his pocket, setting a cigarette between his lips to light it before handing it to Theo. 

Theo looked at it, trying to not think about the fact that it was  _ basically kissing _ and he was fairly drunk and Boris was looking  _ very _ cute. And on top of everything else, Theo was realizing how lonely he truly was, even surrounded by everyone in his life. 

Boris lit his own cigarette, “I’m glad the music helped you, for real. Know it’s not what you probably wanted this to come to, but is good, yes?”

Theo nodded, “I just hate the idea of being so alone now, like I know we shouldn’t stay together, but what if it was the closest chance I get at love?”

“I think love comes everywhere, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Just take every opportunity that comes to you and maybe love will come from that,” he rambled, cigarette dangling from his lips, before he took it out and flicked ashes to the ground. 

Theo looked at him, his breath hitching in his throat, and if he wasn’t so drunk, he would have thought twice about what he was doing. He took the cigarette from his lips, leaning in close and kissing him. 

“ _ Every opportunity _ ,” Boris mumbled against his lips. 

**Author's Note:**

> all the music is by future teens and you should check them out! the first song mentioned was 'so what' & the second was 'heavy petting'


End file.
